what should i blog about? how do i even get started when i've so much things to blog about?...

just yesterday(friday, 18th may)... i was kind of disappointed and upset...
seriously.
after finishing lesson at like 11, when to meet junquan and jordan.
ok. sorry guys for squeezing the time together, just because of him.
i'm just wondering why do i have to do such things.
simple reason being, if he finds out me meeting different guys again, i'll be dead again.
shooting again, saying me, and then constantly suan-ing me about it.
seriously, there's a limit to everything...
maybe he just don't want me to make the same mistakes. maybe.
so then, as a result, i had to meet them secretly.

back to the topic. after he accompanied me to the com lab, supposedly to allow me to do my project which i didn't in the end, i had the craving for bubble tea. :D
so we're supposed to go there and all of a sudden, he mentioned about jocelyn.
ok, WELL DONE.
seriously, my mood flew all the way up then plunged down to the lowest point.
in my mind, i was thinking, " if ever we got the chance to be together, do we need to include jocelyn as well? will she be our middle-person where i'll get to know his feelings and thoughts through her?"
i was kind of hurt.
but nevertheless, i still agreed to it happily.
though we held hands infront of jocelyn and louis and our behaviours were as if we're a couple,
i'm still unsure of the situation and the status.
what exactly are we now?
flings? stead? one word, unknown.
fair to me? nope.
but what can i say when i've chosen this path stupidly.
real dumb ass here.

am i really looking forward to meeting you?
you have phobia for thursday.
now, i have mine as well.
and it's serious as well.
that's jocelyn between us.
i hate that type of feeling.
you said that i'm not as sensitive as jocelyn.
negleced your feelings and etc.
what about your sensitivity? ain't it suppose to be high?
ever considered my feelings as well?
things you've said and done.
some had hurt me or disappointed me unknowingly.
seriously.

how long more can i tolerate all these?
starting to feel tired already...