after bilu's matter, quarreled over another matter again.
he saw chek msg me cuz i wished him happy birthday.
then we msg for awhile.
junquan and tian ming contacted me.
fri met up with melvin and kat was along as well.
halfway through lincoln asked me to club cuz mos was having some students special event.
there was free entry for all students above 18!!!
was damn tempted cuz i was damn moody. kept quarreling with him.
but in the end i rejected lincoln.
been months since i last saw him at my birthday. after that he entered ns. didnt even have a chance to meet up at all.
so i offered to go down to clark quay to meet him for a quick chat before he goes clubbing.
actually another thought was, since he was going down to boat quay then maybe i can meet him even for awhile before i go home. sigh. to me, bf always top priority. obvious. meet awhile for me also shiok. fuck la.
then he was asking why i replied so slowly. i said i was trying bra.
he asked with melvin and kat. i said with kat only.
he doesn believe. whatever i say, he just say me back. damn dulan.
then didn msg for awhile until i told him i gg down to clark quay for awhile.
he said i suddenly contact so many guys and then don't make him dulan.
then quarrel again.
on thurs, because i was super sian and down, he said he'll come over and find me tmr(fri) night.
on fri i asked him that. his reply was,'did i?' ok. he forgot what he've said.
in the end, he came over after his drinking session at 4am and he was kinda seh~. i was sian la. it's like i was still kinda unhappy but once he reached my place, i seem to be ok already. sian. i really hate myself for that. heart soft, give in fast. cuz i can't stand cold war. to me, cold war doesn't exist in my dictionary. it's always either break or talk.

yst(sat) went out with his friends. like so last min. i taut could spend a day at home and slack like always. so went out to catch a movie. after that went to holland v to eat and watch soccer. all the while i taut he was coming home with me. but when his friends mention abt winning eleven, i know that was it. obviously he wanna go that much though he kept saying nvm he'll come to my place instead. i was kinda happy. but u know the worst thing is when he comes over and he complain sian. it'll make me dulan and sian also. then infront of me, his friends kept asking if i let him go and etc and i won't be angry if he goes. say until like that already, what can i say? gotta give face and be a nice 'gf'. so of cuz have to let him go and what's more,he wanna go that much also. in e end, i met up with paulynn to vent my unhappiness while dey went off to enjoy. he knew i was unhappy. he said sorry and stuff but in e end he can tel me things like u wanna get angry den go ahead. cuz he did nth wrong. ya he did nth wrong. but he should understand y i was feeling this way. i couldnt go home late. i taut u'll be coming hm with me. suddenly i have to go home myself, which is like so sian. u noe i wanted u to go back with me, but i couldn't. at 2+ he asked whr was i. i said at simpang. after that no more msg already until 4am when i reached hm. i msg him saying, it's 4am already and u dun even bother to send a msg asking if i'm home yet. to him, i'm just finding faults even though there's nothing and HE WAS AMAZED. i asked him when i was still at simpang if we were meeting tmr. he said meet lo. but i said i dun feel like going out. wads more, he'll reach hm late and then slp till v late. after that no more reply until when i was at home already. i said tmr dun wanna go out u cannot come n find me mehz? his reply was,' i didn sae i won't go n find u wad.' i said,' but u oso didn sae u'll come n find me cuz u didn reply after tt already.' best part was he can actually reply saying i didn't say i won't go and find u nor i say i'll go and find you.' seriously, that really hurt alot. i'm like being treated as a fool. i got no comments by that sentence. u won.

after tt i taut back, ya most of e times i pick the fight. sometimes over e things he did, sometimes i just rake up e past n quarrel. but i realise most of e times when we quarrel were when we're not with each other. to get his attention, i'll choose a topic but unfortunately, most of e time, it ended up with a quarrel.

sorry to be picking a fight with u always. u really did change alot. happy for u. guess u deserve someone better. if u ever find one, just tell me and move on. i'm be glad for u. if u wanna give me up as well, just tell me. i won't blame u.

i'm really tired and starting to feel sian about this rs already. no matter i'm right or wrong, u'll end up showing me att. ended up, i'll msg u 1st and give in to u 1st. because i wanna get ur attention. everytime quarrel, hot and cold towards me. that's one thing i really can't stand but i'm always going tru it. told u i dun like the way u phrase ur words like u go ahead and be angry all u wan, when u know i'm angry already. that statement really hurt alot to someone who's angry already. i felt angrier but ended up i gave in. that's e worst part. i'm really tt fucked up. for now, i really don't feel secure already. seriously. i'm a lousy gf and i know it. i also know u're feeling damn sian and tired of quarreling already. this time round if both of us still can't change, i'm willing to give u up already if all these continue... i'll just leave when that time comes. guess it'll be better for both of us...

i believe in fate.
if we're meant to be, we'll be.





no confidence in myself already.
i really changed alot for u as well.
no movies with guy alone.
no sitting of bike.
u unhappy i won't do it.
i dun club already.
everytime others wanna meet me, i'll ask if i'm meeting u 1st.
if u're not den i go n meet them.
i rarely meet my guy friends already.
i really put u as my top priority at all times and it's so obvious.
i cook for u. [ this is a rare sight. even at home, my bro is the one who cooked for me. nv once i cooked for my exs.]
i iron clothes for u. [ i don't even iron my own clothes.nv once iron clothes for my exs.]
following u ard wherever u go to meet ur friends or whatsoever. [i rarely mix ard with my exs' friends. dun bother. but for u, i do cuz i know friends are v impt to u as well. givin u more time to be with them.]
i give in to u even faster, as compared to previously.
i stay up till late to wait for u to reach hm or to come over.
i go out till late with u. wake up earlier den u, i'll find things to do tilli feel it's gettin real late n it's time to wake u up. [i usually go out early n come back early because i slp early.]
i dun mean to compare.
i just wanna let u know how much i've changed for u.
and how much i really treasure this rs.
<3