28oct:

hee. i just saw the post today @ his place.
finally i get to see my own blog and how it looks like! LOL.
slept over @ his place and we went out for supper @ 4+am? haha!
maddness is the word but what's new when i'm with him. ha!

to him:
you may be the sweetest and cutest but definitely the most irritating dar too. haha!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

30oct:

my feelings right now: fucking GOOD. good till tears can just roll down anytime.
i teared early in the morning. why?
because of the treatment i've received from him.
your tone and the way you treat me.
wow. thanks alot seriously.
i was slightly earlier than usual, but i ended up going to the toilet to tear and in the end, i went in at my usual time.
guess what? i was a fucking poser the whole morning.
i just had to swallow down the pain and smile and joke with the people i met in the morning.
then you don't bother to sms or call me.
i had to, in the end. in the 1st place i wasn't at fault but why am i giving in 1st?
you know what's the worst part?
i smsed him a few times. not even a single reply.
i called him a few times. didn't even pick up until i had to call the house the 2nd time and asked his mum to get him to answer.
and wow, i received that type of tone. as if i was at fault.
when he picked up, it was past 6 already. i thought he was supposed to pick me up from work.
but instead, i was being asked to go down to his place.
seriously, i had to control my emotions again because i was still working and act as if nothing had happened infront of them. [fucking poser]
after work, while waiting for pokie to be less busy, i went to mango and yes, i do have a bad habit. when i'm not in a good mood and i'm alone, i tend to shop and spend money to vent my anger. and indeed, i've spent $75. faints.

thanks pokie for being my listening ear. i really needed one. felt so much better after talking to someone.

it would be rather suspicious if i were to go back early so i had to drag the time. faints. still got to think of reasons why he isn't with me.
reached tanah merah, decided to walk home. just wanted to be alone and i teared.
your replies, none said or tells me that you're sorry.
you know it's your fault and you treat me that way.
i asked why are you treating me like that and what did you reply?
"like what?".
on the journey home, i just kept thinking of today.
i was really hurt. i skipped dinner. no appetite.
1st time me skipping dinner. hmmmm.
felt really weak.
before i reached my side gate, you finally msg, saying you're sorry.
but you know what? if this 'sorry' had been said right after you know you're at fault, that hurt won't be as great as it is now. it could have been at its minimum. but nope. you chose to drag it till now.
when i reached home, i msg you saying i just reached home and i really don't wish to go out and eat. you replied saying i also got mood to go out what.
right. you hurt me again. and i teared the 3rd time.
that's how you thought of me. it's ok.
what's done is done.
what's hurt is hurt.

you said you love me deeply. i felt it.
and everyone knows it.
but your today's actions,
a contradiction.