ok... many things happened recently... i seriously don't know how to look at relationship anymore... hais.

1stly, chi kuan relationship. really glad they ended off well.
2ndly, bryan's cousin, marcus. thank god he's alright and taking things well.
3rdly, junquan relationship. ice cream man, i'm really glad you made this choice *no hidden meaning ah~, but i'm just afraid that you might be xin luan if you face her again. move on and don't ever look back, ya? you'll be enterin ns soon in sept, so just relax and enjoy the rest of the holidays k? anything, just feel free to msg or call me k? *hugs~
4thly, jordan's case... i thought they were doing well although always having small quarrels. but since both are willing to give in, i thought things were going quite smoothly. but unfortunately, one can get tired as well, i guess? take care ah... meet up soon!

furthermore, bryan and i, what are we now? i don't even know... we were on probation and going quite well but somethings just happened and now, we're a step back, which is??? friends who have crush on each other? not really... we're talking more like friends but he's still jealous over the fact that i went out with guys or don't know whatever shit? hello~ we're not even anything now!!! argh!

our problems now:
- i don't really trust him, maybe because of his past? i just don't feel safe
- he don't understand and trust me, because he just can't understand why i had to talk to a guy instead of a girl till 7am in the morning. but he just can't convince me why he don't trust me. i mean the reasons to it.
- his gaming freakness. that i seriously hais... no comments on it.
- i seriously don't feel i'm of any importance to him
- he posted the video to his ex. he still can't convince me
- he said he promise that those things( he mentioning about the things he did with his ex, and suddenly disappearin) will not happen again. can i trust him?
- i've put my 100% into this "relationship" before anything happened, and this is what i get in return. will i be able to put my 100% again and can i trust that he'll not get emo suddenly again?
- i don't feel secured and he's not doing anything to it either... so what now?

looking at those relationships, qns for thoughts: what's relationship then? to have a few moments of happiness but ended up with no result? more tears than joy? how long can
a relationship last? we never know what's in the future for us...

should i still keep my promise about spending my birthday with him? hais...

i told chi kuan this; why do people get attached when they know it won't really last? not many are that lucky to have their 1st relationship all the way till marriage. let's say we get stead at the age of 18, if i'm plannin to get married at the age of 26, then i'll be attached for 8years!!! 8 years... a very long period of time. but think about it, a guy would normally want to settle down at the age of 30? then if he get attached at 18, omg! 12 years of being attached n lets say, *choy touch wood! wad if after they get married and feel that they can't live together? heart-breaking man... but being attached for 12years!!! it's totally different from getting married for 12 years!!! hais... so why do people get attached now? going into the working society, mindset changes and people do change. so? in other words, you can't get anything guaranteed. hais. i mean, that's life, isn't it? so many doubts that cannot be answered. why is the round world? who knows...