gonna be a long long post...

fri: went out with him and we watched step up 2!!! wohoo! so long it's dance, it's superb! then i got upset because he told me he was going to play mj after the movie. the movie was at 8, so most prob it'll latest 10pm? i'll be reaching home like so early. total sian-ness. started msgin ppl to meet me. after the movie, went to find sr & gf at indo. drag drag drag and i left indo at 10.45pm. boo! i thought i'll be early. now became late. so went down to simpang to meet paulynn and chikuan joined us as well. ha! u can't believe it but we sat there till like 4am. madness~ and what was worst was, we chatted on the phone till 6am!!! and i had to wake up at 11+am to get ready for work at the central the very next day. boo!

sat: i gave out balloons and saw so many cuties!!! i mean kids... ha! seriously, jap little girls are superly cute! i gave to one jap little girl, the dad took pic of her and asked her to smile, she was like 'hee!'. OMG! tts really super cute!!! ok. i shall find a jap husband. ha! love kids.... awwwww...~~~ the job was super slack. just gave out balloons. suppose to end at 6 but we ended at 5 instead cuz 300balloons all given out. yeah! then we waited for paulynn, cherly and apple to reach. gonna club! yesh! but sadly, because tuna, paulynn n i really on budget, tts y we didn wanna go to zouk. it'll be $25 for entrance while for mos, it's free because we're tertiary students! ha! oh ya! the queue was super long but thank god the bouncer or whoever walked down the stretch and asked if we're students! ha! mos was super packed man! SUPER! oh ya! apple didn join us cuz she anti-mos. sad. den in the end she went to find her friends in town. gosh. felt super bad. anyway, had a really great time! and tuna was super high! ha! seriously, my 1st time seeing her so high man. thanks lincoln! saw him at mos and he got us a jug of lemon+water! i was a little high but stil conscious, unlike tuna. lol! she met her friend hui ping and we all danced tgt! super fun! hui ping so mean! she challenged me in getting low and obviously i lost! sad! then i did electric butt thing and she challenged me in shuffle! i don't know how! boo! but thank god tuna met her there and she sent tuna home while i went to find him. oh ya! i was lost in mos! boo! legs were really luan. we danced 4 rounds, each round until our legs no strength! ha! we had to exit by another door and i was so lost! i msg lincoln and huiping. all came to save me! LOL! thank god... my night didn't end here! boo! i was super shag already man. left at 4am! then join him and his friends at a friend's place to play winning elevel. lame shit! i was a little high and total shagness. left his place at 9+am before we headed home! his home. and we slept till 7+pm. LOL! quarreled alittle because he didn wanna help me get a plastic bag. i wasn't happy cuz at my place, wadeva he ask me to do, i'll. so i was kinda upset. then quarrled. and he locked me out of his house!

i was hungry and he didn wanna get changed. boo! then i left his place. cried at the stairs. went back to his place and asked him again. he opened the door and went back to sit at the sofa. i walked away, he locked the door. i was super upset. i went back and asked again, this time round he didn open the door. i stood and squatted outside of the house. so poor thing right?

whenever he says hungry, i gotta do smth abt it like gettin changed and stuff, if not he'll show me att n stuff. but whenever i say i'm hungry, he'll take his time. continue watchin tv or whatsoever. at the stairs and the 2nd time i walked away, i really thought about everything, i'm like his bitch(dog). the scenerio it's like i'm a trained dog. even though i'm not attached to the leash, no matter how far i go, i'll still come back to the owner. tts y he doesn even have to bother. but when i'm angry at him, i'll still leave the door open and gave in in the end. tonight this matter, i was really hurt. the image of me standin outside the door, seeing him sitting at the sofa and watchin tv, then smoking, while i was so hungry and kept askin him if he wanna eat. oh welll...

he's unhappy whenever i post this type of stuff. but that was truly how i felt during that incident. during the 2nd time when i walked away, i kept thinking, ' delvin, just hurt me alittle bit more and i'll really give up. totally. the end. don't wish to be ur dog anymore. tired. u're really selfish. u don't know how to think for me. it's always so long u enjoy it, tts should be the way.' i'm always going ur way, to make u happy or so long u're happy if u realise...

after the quarrel, he finally came out and we went down to get food. but i was really tired about everything. bought lots of food and ate till really full. he came over. zhong asked me out tmr but won't be gg. bf comes 1st unless e date was asked earlier... sigh. what to do... tonight's matter, it wasn't because of a plastic bag tt i felt like givin up. but u know when u keep all the emotions to yourself and each time when we quarrel, tts when all the emotions will blow out and i just felt like givin up each time.

if anyone realised,
when i go out with my friends, it's just us.
but at times when he goes out with his friends, i'll tag along.
but why is tt so?
in the end, i know his friends but he doesn't really know mine.
but why?
a doubt which i have no answer till now...
but i prefer this way though. ha!

just a little more,
the rope breaks,
then tt'll be it.
tired to hold on further already...
i said i dont have confi in the rs.
not really gaining back either.
heart really aches.
admit it.
can't bear and feelings still there.
but so long one more hurtful thing,
no matter how aching the heart will be,
i'll let go already.
each sentence i type,
each breathe i take,
i felt the ache.

nowadays, we kept quarreling again.
sigh.
our longest peaceful period was 2 weeks.
if not we would be quarreling every other day, once a week.
ha! for a rs tts gonna be 7months in 2 days time.
we started quarreling on the 2nd day of our rs till now.
sigh. really saddening...
people always say quarrels bring a couple closer.
but not too often quarrels, seriously.
that becomes too tiring instead.

one step at a time...
tts it for now.

- when you believe by leon jackson -
[there can be miracles, when you believe]
[who knows what miracles you can achieve]